Humble Pie

Because I love nothing more than when people are raw, honest, and completely open, I want to share a little bit about where my head has been at lately (and why my email response time went from 1 hour from when it was received to up to a month or why despite signing up for my newsletter you have never received one):

I have spent the last 5+ years focusing my efforts on my photography business with a passion, a drive, and a thirst for knowledge that I’ve never had for anything else before… and to the determent of everything else in my life.  At this point I feel like I have isolated myself from my friends and family, let my physical and mental health completely deteriorate, and been truant from my relationships at home.  I have fully lost myself.  I once found so much joy in my business that it hardly felt like work, but I now find it painful.  I hear clients say that they are disappointed with their photos more than I hear that they love them over the past couple of years and though I feel I have in no way ever misrepresented myself, my skills, or my style, I own up to my failures to meet my clients’ expectations.

For over a year now I have suffered from severe depression and anxiety to the point that I completely lose touch with reality at times.  I can barely drive with hyperventilating, I even passed out in a gas station on my way to a wedding a few months ago.  Once the paramedics were done with me I went and photographed the wedding anyway and was only 20 minutes late.  The idea of completely walking away from something that I loved so much and worked so hard on is terrifying and I’m not saying I quit – I’m not sure it is possible for me to, but I do have to scale back big time. I have to reevaluate a lot of things and determine what direction I’m going in.  I have to take care of myself and I cannot do that while working two full time jobs and taking care of a 5 year old.